living a life of unrealistic expectations...

Expectations, I want stop expecting things,I believe this is in the way of real happiness.How do I stop expecting? Will I ever be able to stop expecting? I have become so afraid of life,this life is so unpredictable,we don't know what is next. I used to be excited about living,now I just feel nervous and worried about what is next?
I don't let go anymore and have become concerned about my future and my well being. I want to let go,I want to stop expecting good things,they may never come. I hate reality but have no choice but to live in it I'm afraid that one day perhaps I will not be able to cope with it.
I wonder where all this fear has come? clearly from shaytan, but its new fear its fear that I have never experienced before, its new.
Its fear from living and fear from dieing, how that makes any sense I don't know!

When you make the right intention

When ever I make an intention to improve my imaan and to learn the Quran, things in my life start to run smooth. Before Ramadhan I made a conscious decision I will learn the Quran in five years. A few months on and I am struggling. I mentioned my intentions to a good Syrian friend of mine and she told me,her mum knows a woman who is hafiz and a qualified tajweed teacher.

I did not think much of it at the time,but asked her if I could have her number. The Palestinian sister who I will refer to as 'B' only lives down the road from me.

Coincidence? hmm I don't think so, its almost like before I have even made the dua Allah has already answered it. Where I live there is not much Islamic activity that goes on. To find a Tajweed teacher is very difficult to, so I feel privileged.

I called sister 'B' she suggested we should meet up for a coffee,I think she wanted to see who I was first.She's very, how should I write it ? well VERY good it almost makes me feel bad. She is only twenty seven years old and has character.

I got on with her, but the culture barrier I really feel. There is some thing about people who have grown up in Arabic country's compared to people who have grown up here, I don't know what it is, but there is this formal barrier.

Never the less I enjoy her company every Monday morning after I drop my girl of to school. Our class starts of with a cup of green tea and than after half an hour of talking we get on to work.

I appreciate her teaching me. Every time I leave her house I feel satisfied with what I have learnt.Everything she is teaching me is for free,so I'm taking full advantage!

I spoke to her about me wanting to get fluent in Arabic,it means a lot to me.I hate being Ignorant and I don't care showing that my ignorance,otherwise how will I learn?

So here it goes for this year, by the end of it I should know all the basic rules of Tajweed and be able to read Arabic fluently!

My first post!

Here goes for my first post!
Its been a while since I last blogged. I miss typing my views and discoveries :).
So who am I? well a funny single mum who is still trying to get it. Will I ever get it ? Allah knows best.
I have a beautiful daughter that makes my face light every time she smiles at me :)
I'm ambitious in what I want to do in my life, for me being ambitious is not just about making money, rather for me it is growing as a person and wanting to be the best in all that I do.
I hope I will meet some one day and he to can join me in my journey.
That's all I got to say for now....