I once spoke to a friend of mine,she was upset with me about a comment, I had said to her while visiting her,I apologized and I was fine with being criticized. Than she changed the subject to the issue of me getting divorced and how her husband had asked her questions as to why I divorced my husband. I was than criticized for divorcing him,that I had not really much of a 'good' reason. My blood was boiling,I was not only furious at the fact she discussed my personal affairs with her husband.I was furious at how he she judged me knowing full well how my ex husband was with me,she was even a witness to his behavior a day before when I left him.
I reflected; she herself is in an abusive relationship for thirteen years,she refused to leave him because she has no support and no where to go. She has a son,her son has witnessed too much abuse not only from her husband but also from her in laws.
For me this is disturbing,I chose to leave for me marriage is about respect and growing together. I want to bring up my children in a peaceful family environment,not seeing my husband scream at me and throw objects at me whenever he pleases. I would prefer to walk away from a marriage like that with no support,which I did! (By Allah's mercy I do have my family back and supportive friends).
My friend was saying women are weaker,this is just the way it is. So by that statement,I'm weaker and I am not allowed to defend myself? I have to live in humiliation,in stress all in the name of keeping a family together? according to her my daughter is going to live her life in a limbo, limbo! my daughter was in a limbo while I was married! Now , she has a stable life.
I can not understand how a women who holds Law degree ,grew up in the UK and than speaks like she just walked out of the village! She also stressed the fact I'm just a kid and what do I know? Yes me a fully grown women ,twenty four years old,manages a home and takes care of her daughter is nothing more than just a kid.
What she was suggesting I'm not quite sure,do I have to wait till I am forty to decide what I need to do in my life?
The main reason why I am so angry is.ITS THIS EXACT ATITUDE THAT ONE HOLDS IN LIFE,IT IS THE EXACT REASON WHY WE WILL ALWAYS NEVER MOVE UP IN SOCIETY,I am not refering to just women's rights,I am reffering to everything else that's wrong in society...' oh well what can we do',' well this is just the way it is !',' I don't have a choice' and ' If only.'
These attitude of helplessness. Not taking responsibility for our own lives and for the rest of our lives .
If I had stayed in a bad marriage what message am I giving to my daughter? This is way men behave? its perfectly acceptable for a man to hit you? its perfectly normal to see a mother stressed out and miserable most of the time?
What ever YOU do as a parent can have a domino affect on the children,it may be a positive one or a negative on, either way you are the instrument in shaping your children,take responsibility for it.
Coming back to we need to be responsible for the way society is,yes what we do and how we bring up our the future generation affects society. Keeping rubbish old attitudes of helplessness does not work, no one can abuse you unless you allow them,no one can stop it until you defend yourself and say no.
I once said to my father,what evil happens in the next door neighbor is our business to,we are part of the evil if we don't change it. For example if I see the neighbor abusing a dog,I would call the RSPCA , that is my business.This attitude of 'its not my business' is an interesting one indeed,people love to buy gossip magazines,non of that is your business,but when it comes to the filth that happens in our back yards,that somehow is not your business.
I prefer to live my life fighting in what I believe in,rather than having a helpless attitude and dieing in a pitiful state.As for my friend's ignorant comment,I have learned to not just befriend anyone.A good friend is one who is nonjudgmental and helps you achieve in life.
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